Friday, June 5, 2009

Ow, ow, ow, ow

I *hate* needles. So, what would be the most fun thing I could do? Survey says....Allergy Testing!

Yes, that's right, here's twenty small "scratches" we will do on your back. Ok, a "scratch" is something that grazes the skin, kind of mildly. What I had done was a friggin nail gun going machine gun into my back.

Ok, now we will wait 20 minutes to see what happens. If any of those start to itch, or burn, then we will know what you are allergic to. The more you react to now, the fewer intradermal tests we will have to do next.

Now, for those of you that aren't half-nurse, like I am, interadermal is a fancy word for shot. Thanks for letting me know about the possiblity if more fun shots, and, better yet, letting me stew about those for the next twenty minutes. Did the Marquis de Sade give you the day off today to work here?

Twenty minutes, no itching, no burning, no nothing. Jane, come in here, will you look at this? Gee, I've never seen that before, he didn't react to any of those.

Just my luck, I shoulda bought a lottery ticket.

Well, sorry about that, but now let's do twenty shots of more fun, this time with real needles. Let's pick somewhere fleshy, how bout the triceps of each arm? Great, 10 on the left, 10 on the right. And, when I do these, I have to inject a bit of allergen (translated = something nasty) under the skin. So these aren't nail guns like the ones on the back, these are full fledgers.

Ok, so that's 40 needles and the results..... One. Only one damn thing caused a reaction. Gee, good thing you didn't do these one at a time and then stop when you found it. That would have taken all the fun out of it.

So, I'm allergic to mold. In the air, on stuff, maybe even in foods. Here's some pills, there's some nasal spray. When do you want to come in for the next round of tests?

Gee, the 3rd of Never is good for me, but in lieu of that, how about after Thanksgiving. That way I can be thankful for not being another human pincushion for the next month or so.

(Originally posted on myspace, October 2005)

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