Zoo solves mystery of celibate polar bears (cnn.com)
Ok, I'm thinking that even those meddling kids from Scooby Doo wouldn't have taken three years to figure out this "mystery".
I'm thinking the Japanese zoo must have called in those experts from the Wildlife Conservation Society, Dave and George. You may remember them from such blog postings as "Where do you hide 125,000 gorillas?" Let's tune in for another exciting episode, shall we?
Dave: Wow, Japan. This is really exciting. Do you think we'll get to see Godzilla?
George: Um, sure. No, wait... I heard on the plane that he was going to be at Disney World for Thanksgiving this year.
Dave: Darn it, I come all this way... hey, quit pulling my chain, George. I'm smart enough to know that there is no Thanksgiving in Japan.
George: *rolling his eyes* Geez, you caught me.
Dave: So I wonder why these two polar bears haven't started getting it on. Maybe they need some atmosphere.
George: Atmosphere? Please, enlighten me.
Dave: You know... soft music, candles, a romantic dinner.
George: Um, why don't we start with something a little more basic. How about the old Noah's Ark test?
Dave: C'mon, do you really think they would have flown us all the way from New York if they hadn't already checked to make sure they have one boy bear and one girl bear?
George: Dude, I'm not going in there. Those are full grown polar bears. They could rip me apart and have me for dinner.
Dave: *under his breath* Well, I'm sure that'd be romantic for them.
George: And even if they are two girl bears, that's fine by me.
Dave: I'm going to go in there... Wait a second, what?!?
George: Hey, I'm hip with what's going on today. I've watched the L Word.
Dave: *stunned, with jaw open*
George: I mean really, if that aging rocker chick and her partner had a kid, these two hot young bears should be no problem. I'll go find an older, drunk, fading stud, you find the turkey baster.
Dave: I knew I should have waited until Sam came back from vacation.
George: Hurry up, I'm going to be hungry in a hour.
George: C'mon, I want to get this done so I can see Mothra as she comes out of her cocoon.
Dave: If you kill someone with a turkey baster in another country, and they are dumber than a rock, can you hear it?